Uphill swing I hope

my mental health has its ups and downs.  on the upswing of a particularly bad spell which left my home an absolute disaster.  so I set the timer and shined my sink, adjacent counters and started dinner.  *sigh*  shiny, shiny sink:)

I have my timer ticking away.  15 minutes on with cleaning and dinner prep, 15 minutes relaxing.  I’m feeling really sick but I wonder how much is mental and how much is physical.  (both are flaring up right now)

As I sit in my living room I am distracted by the floors.  I would show you a picture of the floors but it’s much too embarassing.  very dirty.  but on a positive note, it’s full of paper scraps as my daughter has been designing paper costumes and outfits.  She has some budding talent.  She made a ninja outfit for herself, and tons of costumes for her stuffed animals.  The dog has also been busy making a mess of the floor with his chew toys, bones and fur.  Her active play today has all sitting areas full save for the seat my butt is in now.  I imagine with her help we could pull this room together in 15 minutes.

I’m touchy and irratable but not growling so life is good.  My therapist thought it would be beneficial to up the dose on the medicine for my anxiety but it leaves me feeling rather nauseous and unpleasantly empty.  I have my husband keeping an eye on me (for safety reasons) but I’m waiting it out to see if it’s just a short term, unpleasant side effect.  It’s been just over a week and I’ve done almost nothing around the house.  I’ve barely left my spot on the couch save for the short spells outside.  Monday was the absolute worse.  Tuesday was rather nice and then back to emptiness Wednesday, Thursday and today.

We went grocery shopping today and the groceries are still out – on the counters, over the bench and on the table.  At least the refrigerator and freezer items are put away.   My husband was supposed to have friends over on Tuesday so he did the dishes while I was at work.  They haven’t been done since and they are piling up.  I finally got up and grabbed a small tote, loaded up all the dishes and set them aside so I could scrub.  I figured it was better to start with a clean slate.

As I went to get started I reach down to grab a clean sponge and we are OUT!  I couldn’t believe it.  I never, ever run out of sponges.  In my whole married life I’ve never run out of sponges.  I throw them away religiously to get rid of the germs and the smell.  One per week.  I always have at least 6 underneath the sink, usually more.  There are none.  I panicked.  I started to sweat.  Feelings of doom and of giving up overwhelmed me, then I realized it was just a sponge.  I grabbed a clean microfiber scrubby cloth and started scrubbing my sink and counters.

The chrome faucet is shining, one load of dishes are washed, my coffee pot is clean and vinegar has been run through it to clean it out.  Chicken is on the stove cooking and I’m about to get up and make some rice.

This OCD/ Anxiety is not going to beat me.  I will succeed – I promise this much.  I will also remember that happiness is all around – it’s just a different way of looking at what you already have right before you.


today i made an amazing dinner – with some help.  It really was amazing.  I had an idea – I wanted corn on the cob – slightly salty, slighty sweet with an interesting twist.  I wanted to use my lone yellow squash I purchased from the farmer’s market before it went bad.  and I wanted mini meatloaf.

My adhd self does not like to follow recipes.  they are too structured, too organized, too stifling.  This has caused my family to have some interesting meals – some never to be repeated.  wonderful dishes forgotten because i don’t remember how it was made such as my shrimp cashew pineapple rice.  terrible dishes scrapped and peanut butter sandwiches made.

We decided to head on over to my brother’s home and I offered to make dinner.  Where I am scattered and all over the place, my brother is king of attention to detail.  I knew my dinner would be successful with him around. (he is very talented in the kitchen – precise, knowledgeable and good with flavor).

He was intrigued about my idea for dinner and asked me for my recipe.  I stated, “I figured we’d wing it.”  He looked interested and confused.  I said, “I don’t have a recipe but I have a pretty good idea.”

Here’s what we did: (please excuse me – i am no culinary expert or even a novice)

Mini Meatloaf

  • 1 1/2 pounds lean ground beef
  • 1 egg
  • minced garlic
  • powdered garlic
  • powdered onion blend (see image)
  • poultry seasoning
  • low sodium beef bouillon
  • oats
  • Vidalia onion
  • butter (to saute onion)

I figured regular meatloaf takes a long time in the oven.  Also with larger loaves I feel the outside is also the best part so the two ends are the best.  I thought that if we made meatloaf that fit in the holes of a cupcake pan that we’d have perfect little loaves.  We started with about a pound and a half of very lean ground beef.  I added an egg.  I asked if he liked garlic and he said yes so I took a big spoonful of minced garlic and dumped it in the bowl then I added some more.  He stopped me and said, “you really don’t have a recipe?”  i said, “nope but i’m sure this will work.”  and we continued.  I asked for his spices and he showed me the cabinet.  “Which ones do you need?”  “I don’t know, whichever looks good.”  I grabbed the powdered garlic.

He started catching on.  He handed me some poultry seasoning and then an onion powder blend.  He thought some low sodium beef bouillon would be good so we added that too.

He said people usually put bread crumbs in meatloaf.  I said, “what about oats?  do you got that?”  He did and asked how much.  “Well, maybe two handfuls will do – we’ll just have to see how it looks.”

We decided to put ketchup on the outside but learned we had none so he finally decided to improvise.  As I mixed up the meat then cut up 1/2 a Vidalia onion he started combining ingredients.  I gently sautéed the onion with some butter.

Here’s what he did:

  • small can of tomato paste
  • 1/2 jar tomato and basil spaghetti sauce
  • dash of worschester sauce
  • 2 or 3 spoonfuls of brown sugar
  • dash of vinegar
  • (Unknown if there was more but I believe this was it)

I added the onion, and about 3 spoonfuls of the tomato mixture to the bowl with the meat and mixed it all up.  We sprayed down the cupcake pan with olive oil cooking spray and i made mini meat loaves.

We cooked them for 30 minutes or so on 400 degrees.

He then said a glaze would be good.

I melted about 2 tablespoons of butter, added two spoonfuls of brown sugar and about 4 spoonfuls of his mixture and mixed it all up.

When the meat was cooked I rolled the meat around in the bowl with the above mixture.  I then placed these on a foil lined cookie sheet (oiled), upped the temp to 425 and put the meat back in.  We cooked until the glaze was golden brown.

The remaining tomato mixture was placed on the table as an accompaniment.

Grilled Corn on the Cob

  • corn on the cob (husks left on)
  • coarse salt
  • coarse black pepper
  • butter

We snipped off the ends of the corn leaving the husks on.  I soaked the ears of corn in cold water with some salt added to it.  I then put the corn in the microwave for 5 minutes.  My sister-in-law then peeled back the husks, removed the silk and handed me the corn.  I added a slice of butter and some rough ground pepper and salt.  I wrapped the husks back around the corn and tightly wrapped each ear with aluminum foil.  We then grilled the corn for about 15 minutes.  After it cooled we removed the foil and husks and served.

Yellow Squash Medley

  • yellow squash
  • Vidalia onion
  • mini sweet peppers
  • coarse salt
  • coarse black pepper
  • butter

I sliced up the yellow squash, a Vidalia onion and about 8 mini sweet peppers.  I added them to a pan with some butter, coarse salt and black pepper.  I sautéed them until slightly translucent.


  • strawberries – quart
  • blueberries – pint
  • sugar

We sliced up some strawberries, added a pint of blueberries, mixed in a spoonful of sugar and dinner was done.

It was amazing.  Please forgive me if I forgot anything.  We did not write anything down and I’m working off of memory but it was AMAZING.  so good.  there were no leftovers it was that good.

Day 6 – Ready for the Weekend

Homework update for last night.

Didn’t happen – at least not in the way that I had expected it to.  I picked up my daughter from daycare and then my husband from work and headed home.  It was a tiring day and I was exhausted.  We made dinner and sat down as a family to eat – spaghetti with sausage, garlic cheese bread and a tossed salad which is a family favorite and a great pick when moods are low or energy is fading.  My daughter cracked us up with fart stories and then shared with us how Carson and Nick both have crushes on her.  After dinner we watched her play Toy Story on the PS3 and simply put – we found happiness just in spending some family time together yesterday.

Afterward I laughed loudly to the comedic humor of George Takei through his facebook page.  There is a particularly funny comic that really made my night –

Made sure my daughter was tucked in, drank some tangerine orange tea with my husband while watching an episode of Lost.

Homework Update #1

No artwork was completed last night.  It wasn’t the right time I believe because it would have taken me away from where my family was and last night that’s where I felt I needed to be.

Homework Update #2

The beast still sits.  My husband reminded me that it would probably be best to move it to the curb after the garbage has come and gone.  So today is the day!

Today’s Plans

My husband is off so we are going grocery shopping after I’m done work today.  We actually planned our meals out for the week which makes things so much smoother.  It also makes grocery shopping easier because we actually know what we need to buy.   The entrance has a shelf that I haven’t tackled yet and I’m trying to decide if this is a this week task or if I wait until next month when I’m back in zone 1 again.  We are putting away Christmas decorations this weekend and I’m trying to figure out how to fit some fun in.