Sometimes I really believe my brain is stuck on slow. I’m really missing that get up and go that so many people seem to have. I think I’d be happier if I could just blame it on laziness but laziness is a choice and OCD is definately not a choice. There are so many mental roadblocks in the way.
I think most often the reason I don’t do what I need to do is because I often feel too overwhelmed. OCD can be crippling
some most days. Take house cleaning for example – when my house is clean I feel better. There is more room to play and to take care of myself and my family. The OCD makes it difficult to touch anything that is dirty. You would think that my house would be spotless then because of this but no. Once something in my home becomes dirty it makes it difficult for me to clean it because it’s dirty. The OCD also makes being wet incredibly uncomfortable – absolutely hate it. This makes exercising extremely difficult because of the sweat factor. It also makes washing dishes a task that I really need to talk myself into because you combine dirt and wetness.
I finally asked for professional help for my OCD last summer – was prescribed medication and did some talk therapy. I don’t believe that I was ready to change though as the medication was unpleasant (it reduced the mental barriers but I sweated profusely) and the talk therapy made me feel crazy. I quickly stated that I was doing better and have not talked about it since. Trying to explain to someone the need to count things obsessively just adds to the anxiety. Do normal people have to count game/puzzle pieces before using, after using and during routine cleaning sessions? No but I do. Do normal people count repeatedly to 100 to prevent bad things from happening? No but I do that as well.
Can OCD and happiness live together? I don’t really think so because OCD is anxiety and I’m happy when I am free from the anxiety.