Day 11: Struggle from Within

Monday, Day 9:

Monday was bad – real bad.  Not just the kind of bad that you can work through but a full-blown feel like crap don’t want anything to do with anything kind of bad. It wasn’t a terrible day at first but it did spiral downward as the day progressed.  The last phone calls of the workday really got to me (frustrated, defeated, worried, confused).  Typically I’m good at leaving work at work.  Not on Monday.  My husband also worked late so I knew I was going to be home alone with my daughter with my crappy energy sucking blues. There was also transportation problems for the next day which is always a major source of stress and anxiety for me.

The plan quickly became play the next episode of Blue Toad Murder Files with my daughter and then enlist her in helping make dinner and dessert then on to the homework assignments.  Nope – she had other ideas.  But we did play together after dinner and then it was bedtime.  I did use the time before dinner though trying to get my crappy mood to a somewhat better mood.

  • Homework assignment 1?  failed
  • Homework assignment 2? ditto

Tuesday, Day 10:

Tuesday was better but only by so much.  Again – work ended on a somewhat sour note but my husband and daughter picked me up and it was a nice drive home.  There is enough distance from work to home to clear my thoughts and set my mood right.  That is definately a positive for me.  The drive is essential to my emotional well-being.  My brain needs processing time.  Sometimes counting my blessings or creating a mental to-do list is what is needed.  Sometimes the silence paired with the open road is the ticket.  Sometimes blaring my favorite music is the key but the drive is important.  I’ve learned in the past that anything less than 20 minutes doesn’t give my brain the chance to properly switch from work mode to home mode.  Monday was missing the drive between the calls and home life which very well could have been the problem.

As the kitchen was a disaster I did spend 15+ minutes on the zone of the week.  I’ll definately have to keep up on the zone work because as the state of my home fails so does my happiness meter.  Did some time on the dishes.  Did some time on the counters.  Not enough to complete the job but definately enough to make a noticeable difference.

Sadly though I did not exercise.  If I’m not able to bring myself to exercise by Wednesday this week may be a failed week but I will still try.  Exercise may really be an important key to my happiness and well-being.

Some thought also needs to be put into why I hate exercise SOOOO much.  I believe it has to do with the wetness factor.  I extremely dislike being wet – I sweat when I exercise.  Sweat makes you wet.  Totally my OCD blocking this key to a healthier, happier life.

Something to think about anyway.

Wednesday, Day 11:

Mood is definitely better today.  Hoping to hold strong to this evening after work.  Plan remains the same –

  • Goal of 15 minutes of exercise.  Maybe I’ll enlist my husband’s help since he’s home.
  • Goal of 15 minutes working in zone 2.

I’d also like to own up to my thoughts.  Monday and Tuesday I tried to find ways to justify not exercising or trying to find ways to work around what I’ve done for the day and “claim” it as exercising but if this happiness project is to succeed I cannot lie to myself or to anyone reading this.  I also thought about omitting it from the blog or simply giving up but these aren’t options either.

Truth and committment to the happiness project and the power of 15!

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